Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Life's Cycle....Is it really it?

Hehe! I know this is so off topic, but I was just wondering.
In my 22 years of existence, I was just going with the flow of life.
Like going to school for 17 years and finding a job after you graduated.
And then what?
And then you are going to work for most of your life until you retire.
In the process, you might get married or be single until you age and die.
But in the end, most of your life will be spent for school and work.
Is that it?
Were we born to go to school and study and go to work until we can?
Is that how we live our life?
You Only Live Once.
So that is how we live our ONE and ONLY life?

Some may say "We are doing that for money, you idiot!"
"We can't live if we don't have money."
"How can we buy foods, or clothes, or those that we need if we don't have money?"
"So in order to live, we have to work."

But I don't have work right now, but I'm still alive.
We are not even rich.

Obviously, I am confused with my life right now.
Maybe that is why I am saying these things out of the blue.
Those things that I did in my past life, it is not what I really wanted to do, but at least, I enjoyed it.
I took Accountancy without knowing anything about it, but I enjoyed studying it with my friends.
I thought that time, "this is what was given to me, then I will just do my best."
But after all of that, I felt miserable when I got to work.
I felt like this is not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.
Of course I did my best at work, I got so much responsibility even though I was a newbie and inexperienced.
I was able to lead a team, supervise interns, and many more.
But I felt unhappy.
Yes, I enjoyed during my school days, but I don't know, I can't explain myself at work.
I can't even describe how I felt at work.
Or even if I do, I think it is not enough of a description of everything.
Maybe just a part of it.
But most of the people will generalize it, and give their own conclusion just by basing on the little pieces as if they know everything and as if they know me very well.
Well, I don't even know myself very well, so how come peeps? How come?

When I came back to our province just a month ago, I was really amazed on how people there live in simplicity.
Yes it looks poor, but you can see their contentment in life, smiling happily and chit-chatting with the neighborhood with no stress.
Everyone knows each other.  Everyone shares one world.

Unlike here in my place, I don't think it's like that.
Everyone here seems so busy that they don't even have time to chat with each other or even ask their names.
Everyone has their own world.
Maybe they know a lot of people.......on the internet. But when they bump onto each other in person, there's no connection.  They don't even recognize each other.

This world has become sooooo complicated.
So complicated that people gradually lose their understanding and reasoning.
So complicated that if you can't keep up, you'll be ending up on the edge.
Other people even commit suicide for so many reasons.

I'm on the edge of this complicated world.
I don't understand this world any more.
But I WILL KEEP ON LIVING. I'll just eat and sleep!
Nobody understands me.
I don't need to be understood by others.
I don't owe them anything.  
I do not owe them an explanation, especially if they are not even planning to help. Especially if they are just there because of curiosity.
And when they did not understand me, they will judge me.

I am on the process of finding myself.
Although I am already taking so much time right now,
and I am not getting any younger (but I look like a high schooler),
and I don't know how long other people can keep up with me being dependent on them on our day-to-day lives,
and I don't know how long we're gonna live or how long they're gonna be there for me and vice versa,
Realizing what I really need to do with my life is a consolation for me if that happens.
Realizing my purpose in life will be very rewarding for me when that time comes.

But as of now, I will keep on searching.
I will keep on trying new things, 
even though it's far not related to my degree.
So what?
If I'm going to work my ass off, at least please be that kind of work that I can feel that I am living. Please! Not a robot, but a human being.
A work that I'm gonna enjoy.
Stress, we can't take that off.
But at least, let me please enjoy it.
Because this maybe what I'll be doing for the rest of my life until I retire and sit on the bench watching the sun rise and set.

So, how about you guys?
I've said so much.  And all of you have your own opinions.
Freedom of speech, you say.
You are free to say whatever, but you are not free to insult or mock other people just because you have different opinions.
You are not free to hurt others.
Please say what is on your mind in the nicest way you can.
People can share different opinions in a peaceful way if we say it in a nice way.
Don't look for fights, don't even start one.
There are also those who live in finding flaws of others.
This post has many flaws, I know.
But I am not aiming for judgement.
I am not aiming for corrections, this is not an exam.
I am aiming on your views in life.
I was just thinking it can help to clear my thinking.
Inspirations, that is!
So, what do you think?

I don't think I made sense, but, yeah. >_<
People think differently, but I hope I conveyed my feelings in a positive way.

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