When I think about my year as a whole, I don't feel like a lot has happened to me.
But if I enumerate things that, for me, has been meaningful for this year, then I realize that this year has been one hell of a ride.
There were noticeable ups and downs for me, although most of the downs are me being emphatic towards unfortunate events of others.
One thing that depresses me is when people around me experiences bad things.
I tend to feel responsible at their loss especially when I was with them when that happened.
Sometimes I am overthinking that they might blame me with what happened, especially if it is a material thing that has been lost. 😔
I understand that it is their responsibility taking care of their own things, but if that happens when I am with them, I feel responsible too for not noticing.
It happened twice this year and I still can't get over it. [Kahit hindi ako ang nawalan.😑]
Well yeah, that is just how I feel and I will forever carry that feeling.
So don't lose anything when you are with me!
Because I will feel bad, forever!
There are times as well when I am doubting myself.
Am I still doing the right thing?
Will my hard work pay off in time?
Is this the right path for me?
Do I continue with what I am doing or should I go back to being a corporate slave?
What will happen to me in the future?
What will I do when all the people around me start to leave me behind?
Did I.....make any progress?
Surprisingly, most of the times when I feel this way, Ate Niks beeps me up.
Before, it was my brother who does this, but now it is her.
She checks up on me how I have been.
And I end up releasing all of my drama to her. [I hope she doesn't get fed up!]
That really amaze me.
How she manages to text me when I am in need of someone to talk to.
Because whenever I feel down, instead of talking to someone about it, I tend to be more quiet about it.
I tend to refrain from using social media and talking to others.
I isolate myself.
And nobody else checks up on me as she does.
She asks straight to the point how my "internet business" is doing.
Because she knows that that is my weakness, my depressing point, my struggle in life.
She lifts me up in my down times.
And those were the times that, when I am reporting to her everything that I have done, make me realize that hey, I somehow made a little progress!
I never thought of myself as needy/clingy, before.
But when I think of the times when I need someone to say to me that I am doing well, that I am doing a great job, that I should continue with what I am doing, etc., then maybe I am needy/clingy after all.
"Count your blessings."
That is what they always say when you feel like everything is a mess and everything seems to be not going well.
But that phrase tend to make me complacent though.
That is why this year, I have set my mind to be thankful for all the blessings I received but won't count them.
Be thankful and work harder.
That is what I did.
But as a year-end report for myself, I shall measure my progress with my career path and weigh if I did well.
Wait, does it have to be me doing all of this?
Parang binubuhat ko pala ang sarili kong bangko.
I changed my mind.
Instead of me weighing the work I have done for this year, why don't you guys review me instead?
Since almost all of my report are written in this blog, I guess you can assess me.
Tell me.
Did I.......
make some progress?
~~~~
P.S.
You might be surprised that I made a post out of my schedule.
Just treat this as a year-end message!
Although it did just seem like a drama. Lol!
Let us leave all of these drama with the outgoing year to be able to welcome a fresh, new year~
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