Friday, August 3, 2018

Freelancing | Am I Ready To Move Forward?



It is no secret for me that this job I got into is a long-term one and that it will eventually grow.

But never had I imagined that it will be this soon.

I feel like I am not yet well-prepared....

I feel like I am not yet well-prepared to take on the new challenge that will be given to me....to handle the accounting side of the business fully while my client handles everything else in growing the business.

It is true that I feel comfortable with the systems now, but I still am not confident to work alone. Well, I am literally working alone physically, but....but....I am very much inquisitive. I ask a lot (in my opinion).

That is why I am thinking, will I still be able to ask her questions about accounting-related stuff? Even things that seem basic but for some reason I do not know it?

And talking to the clients....gosh, talking to the clients...with my accent and poor English, will I be able to communicate well?

Will I be able to handle the accounts and decide what needs fixing (just in case) and how to do it?

Will I be able to handle another person to guide with the job? (Although I have experienced this before when I was still in the corporate world but there's another person that I am asking to when I am unsure as well)

I am kind of worried and nervous.

There's a lot of things going on in my mind which I don't know how to express here, but I feel anxious.

In simple terms, I feel like a baby being taught to walk on my own and I am worried like what if I stumble if they let go of my hand? Something like that.

It is natural to make mistakes. We are human. We are not perfect. Even in auditing, there's no absolute assurance, because the Financial Statements won't be 100% correct. But I am being too hard on myself instilling that there must be no room for me to make mistakes.

That's why unconsciously (well now that I am mentioning it means I've noticed it already), I am again putting a lot of pressure on myself.

This is not good as I might overthink again.

That's why I am letting it all out here and hopefully I can come up with a resolution as to how to deal with my "doubting" self.

If my family or friends reads this post, they might hit me to collect myself.

I've been known to be emotional and faint-hearted.

But yeah, I've come this far, ngayon pa ba ako susuko?

I will just continue on with what I am doing, and wherever God leads me, I'll follow.

If this is where He wants to lead me, I'll obey.

Just like what I always say when I am scared of doing something, JUST DO IT.

I will never get rid of my fear, but I can overcome it, I guess?

And I will never know the outcome if I won't try it.

I think this is what I felt too when I was about to take this job back then. I was scared and reluctant but who would have known I'd adjust this much within 3 months.

Right. There's no other way but to move forward.

There's no backing out.

I will just do what I can do and approach her whenever I'm unsure of something.

Parang ganito lang din noong magti-take ako ng board exam, feeling ko hindi pa ako prepared, pero nakaraos din naman sa tulong ng dasal at gawa.

Parang ganito lang din noong binigay sa akin ang responsibility to lead a team sa dating work ko and that we'll work on our own pero nakaraos din naman at nakapag-adjust ng hindi namamalayan. Na-realize ko na lang iyon noong mag-ti-turn over na ako.

Parang ganito lang din noong iti-take ko yung course at makikihalubilo sa mga taong never ko pang nakita.

Parang ganito lang din noong gagawin pa lang namin ang interview sa umpisa.

At parang ganito lang din noong bumili ako ng ticket para sa Freelancer Fair. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mga magaganap doon, but marami akong ma-mi-meet na tao sa event na iyon. I don't know if I will be able to communicate well there, but I'll just discover it once I go there this August.

Ah, I've released my thoughts now, although I feel like I haven't released everything yet, I somehow calmed down a bit.

Hopefully I can get a hold of myself together and brave my way to this.

A battle of myself again. I need to win this.

I'm outta here. Bye~

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